My Life in General

Age: 40
Sex: M
Marital Status: Married
Interests: Long walks on the streets, listening to crap music
Born: Olympia, Greece

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That's about as drab as the third person talk you usually have to endure on a candidate's site. They have to put on a face for you so they have someone else write it for them. Not me. So let me tell you about myself.

I was born in Olympia Washington on June 3rd, 1969. Thats right ladies...same age as McDreamy and McSteamy...40 is the new McSEXY. I should probably add, my WIFE likes to call me "McBelly". Not sure why. Anyway, every year on June 3rd my mom gives me a huge hug and says with a smile and a tear in her eye, "I can't believe you came out of me". Not because she's ashamed of me or anything (at least I don't think), but because I'm 6'5" weighing in at 220 pounds (all muscle). My mom is pretty tiny. I really love my mom. Funny story, she was given these really cool ash trays as a baby shower gift when I was born (she didn't smoke). I still have one. I'll post a picture sometime.

I have two younger brothers Mike and Matt. For some reason Mike and I nick-named Matt "Pitt" I think he spells it "Pit" but I've always used two t's. I think the name has to do with "Pit Stain" but he was way too young (like 3 years old) to have pit stains so to this day it still doesn't make sense to me and I just don't remember. We still call him Pitt. Mike is just Mike. Although my grandma use to call him "Mike the Dike". That was funny as hell. I guess while we're at it, I've always been called "Big D" for obvious reasons (because I'm overly tall). Or just "D".

My Mom, Dad, brothers and I lived around Olympia through the third grade. We moved around a lot and I think I went to three different schools. In the second grade I met my best friend Mike. I only lived by Mike and went to school with Mike for that one year but it seemed like a large portion of my life. Funny how that is when you're a kid. We had some pretty sweet adventures together. Today Mike is a VP at a very successful multi-national company. Even though I get to see him only once or twice per year, I still consider him one of my closest friends.

I'd like to take a minute to talk about friends because they're very important to me. I'm very particular as to who I call "friend" because I believe my friends are a large part of what defines me as a person. I'm confident that if you spent some time with my friends, you would leave them with a warm feeling inside.

I have two classifications of friends, "friends" and "brothers".

"Friends" are people who I know and respect for one reason or another. I trust that they are good people and will not stab me and other people in the back. If they do, they are off the friend list. I’ll go out of my way to help a friend. I’m fortunate to have many friends.

“Brothers” are people outside of my family who I trust with my life and who I would do most anything for at the drop of a hat. They would do the same for me. I have a handful of brothers, not all are boys.

I’d like to call out some of my more special friends and brothers because they’re so important to me (in no particular order)...Mike L., Doug W., “Super” Herb B., Braedie, Darrell “Dew’d” Z., Sam “SamBone” H., Korey “Kool Kor” O., Dan “The Man” W., Randy H., George “Horhay” S., Mike B.

Kind of off topic...I like to write with background noise. Usually the TV because the rhythm of music doesn't work well in my head while I think. As I'm writing this, I'm watching/listening to "Remember the Titans", one of my all time favorite movies. I know it's cheesy to watch a movie and think that that's how the world should be. Or the warm feeling you get after seeing a "feel-good" movie like this one. But I can't help it. I can't help but to think that we're not stuck with the world we have now, just like blacks and whites weren't stuck with the world they were living in back then. It just takes one person to sit in the wrong seat. These days, the seat is much bigger.

I'll try to move along a little quicker...

During the summer between third and fourth grade we moved to a duplex in West Linn Oregon. I had never been out of Washington until then. It was like leaving the country to me. I didn’t really even know where Oregon was. All I knew was I was moving away from my friend Mike, but our moms assured us that we would still be friends and they would make sure we still got to see each other. My mom and dad’s families lived in Olympia and Tacoma areas so I still got to visit Mike often. I made friends quickly in West Linn but none are still around today. Too bad really. They were great people. Richie…get ahold of me please. I would love to catch up with you.

In the summer before the sixth grade we moved to Milwaukie Oregon and lived there until I became an adult. I graduated from Milwaukie High School in 1988. These were really interesting times for me. I didn’t realize it then, but later in life when I started figuring things out, I looked back and saw that those years was when I began to “become a man” I guess you can say. I’m sure that’s not unusual. Oh, hey Ken C. from Wake Ct., father of Angie, I really hope you believed me when I told you that I wasn’t sneaking into your back yard to Angie’s window for anything bad. We really were just looking at pictures like I said. Thanks for being cool.

This is probably a good time to describe my family since they’re mostly responsible for who I am.

I’d say my family would be considered lower middle class back then. I don’t know that for sure though. I don’t think we were poor, but maybe by government standards we were. As far as the brothers knew, we always had food and clothes and a place to live. Both my parents were always employed. My mom has worked at the same place since 1979 I think? My dad has worked at about a bagillion different places but had one job for a good 5 or 6 years. I could be wrong about that. He was always happy with whatever he was doing.

Both my parents worked only when the brothers were older. When we were younger, my mom stayed home and raised us. We never went to daycare or preschool. I want to call out this point because I believe it to be very important for parents (or family) to raise children, not daycare providers, nanny’s, the government, etc. It’s my personal (not political) opinion that if you can’t raise your children, you should wait to have children until your situation allows you to raise them. There’s nothing more important than our children.

My mom. Wow. For some reason I’m having a hard time trying to describe my mom. I thought this would be an easy one. In one word…Love. My mom is the most pure person I have ever known or even heard of other than Jesus. She’s not perfect, but she really tries to be. She’s Christian, a Catholic converted to non-denominational when we moved to Oregon. She raised the brothers as Catholic which was possibly the most boring thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ll never forget the relief I felt when we first experienced the small Four-Square Church in Oregon City. Thank you mom!

My mom has always been very strong but we had no idea how strong she was until later in life. She endured way more than we knew. She did it for us. It paid off.

My dad. I wish I would have been as good a father as my dad was. That said, I really hope my son is a better father than I was to him. I think I was lazy compared to my dad. Maybe its because of more TV channels? Video games? Computers? It just seems like my dad was always taking the brothers to do things. We would go fishing all the time, he would take us to the park to throw the football and play, camping almost every weekend during the summer, and a bunch of other fun stuff. He took Mike and I on the best fishing road trip when I was about 14. I think we drove through seven states in his Pinto station wagon. My dad was an awesome father. My dad is also a great friend. To me and his circle of friends. I think I learned that from him.

When I look back on my relationship with my dad I find it very interesting. There were some things about my dad that were not good. At the same time, I believe these things are in a strange way at the very core of who I am. Thank you dad.

Money is something my dad wasn’t too smart about. I didn’t know this until later in life. I very vividly remember my dad saying, “sure we can buy this stereo component, it will raise my credit card payment only about $5 per month.” OK, I realize that if you work for the government, you probably don’t see a problem with that, BUT THERE IS! (Just to be clear, the government thing was a joke…partly. I’m sure not everyone in the government think that. Only most of them.) My dad wasn’t different than most every American is today, a credit card is something you use if you have it. He also never saved money or planned for retirement. Today, my dad lives off of Social Security, partial disability from the Air Force, and a small pension. But he’s happy as a clam and he’s independent. He doesn’t ask for anything and is always there for the brothers and his friends.

Now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever told my dad these things. I’m going to interject before I continue, as I have more to say about my dad because he’s so important in the story of my life and who I am. My dad for all of his faults is a great man. Everything I mention here he has realized on his own and has changed without intervention. I have a lot of respect and love for my dad.

The relationship between my mom and dad was not good. The brothers didn’t realize this until I was in about the seventh grade. Once I realized this, my relationship with my dad began to change. I felt like I needed to stick up for my mom and ended up butting heads with my dad way too often. Let me be clear, my dad was never physically abusive to me or my mom. I remember thinking that I wished my parents would just get a divorce and move on. To this day I believe that would have been best for both of them. I know for a fact if that would have happened, my dad would have been there for the brothers just as much as he was when they were together. He loved his boys more than anything. He still does.

As bad as my dad was to my mom, he eventually realized it and apologized to her, she graciously accepted, and they’re now very good friends. They divorced about 15 years ago. It takes a real man to do that.

My dad was never very good at giving encouragement or guidance. I think this is because he believed we were smart enough to figure things out for ourselves and maybe that’s how he was raised. That wasn’t the case. We were dumb, just like most teenagers. I never held this against my dad and really don’t think of it as a flaw in any way. He honestly thought he was doing the right thing and helping us out. Two of the most glaring examples: When at 18 years old I told my dad I was going to elope, he gave me a hug and congratulated me. Not a good life choice but I didn’t know better. Number two, he never encouraged me to go to college. Not really that big of a deal but I wish he would have. To be fair, neither did my mom. Neither of them went to college themselves so it might not have been something they would have considered. I don’t hold this against them at all.

This brings me to my self realization thanks to my dad.

I got married to my girlfriend of three years at 19 years old. I had joined the Air Force in July 1988 and came back in December 1988 on leave and eloped. In August 1989 we had a real wedding and she moved to Travis AFB California with me. Nine months later we had a baby girl. About a year and a half later we had a still born. Very sad. But it led to having our son in October 1992. In November 1992 I was 23 years old, married, had two kids, and was out of the Air Force.

Unfortunately, I had taken on the traits of my dad where my marriage and financial responsibilities were concerned. I was not good to my wife in the very same way my dad was not good to my mom. I had a raging temper and was very unreasonable. I would rather hang out with my friends than be with my wife. We didn’t run our credit up too bad in the Air Force but I did nothing to prepare for civilian life. So when we got out, we moved in with her parents.

Let me just say…I loved her family. I really looked up to and respected her dad. They are full on Filipino, straight from the Philippines. Her dad was so supportive and encouraging. He put up with me when I was really kind of a loser. He must have seen some potential in me. I can’t think of any other reason he would have been as wonderful as he was. Or maybe he was just a great guy. He passed away several years ago. It was very sad for their family and my kids who were very young. It would have been beneficial to them to have grown up knowing their grandpa. But it wasn’t just him. Her mother is a wonderful, caring woman as well. Her sisters and brothers are wonderful aunts and uncles to my children and great people. I’ve learned a lot from all of them also. I’ll talk more about that later. It’s very significant…my second “come to terms with myself”.

Throughout this, I was a good father to my kids. I loved them more than anything. But I was all messed up in the head. Not from drugs or alcohol or anything like that. I just didn’t know anything about life or how to be a man and a husband (I sure thought I did). I wish someone would have told me. Maybe they did and I just didn’t listen. That’s entirely possible. Regardless, my actions and my situation was my responsibility.

After five years of being a jerk of a husband, running up credit card bills, and working jobs that would get me no where, my wife and I divorced. It was a pretty peaceful divorce and I made sure to stay close to my ex-wife and kids. She worked grave shift 14 days per months and I had the kids on those days so I still got to be a dad and raise my kids. Thank god. Kids need their fathers. Just like I needed mine.

So I’m still working up to this point about my dad. About three years after the divorce, I was dating a girl (Braedie, now one of my best friends) and treating her the same way. Something happened. It wasn’t something Braedie said, or anyone else said or did. For some reason it just hit me. I was acting like my dad, and as I remembered, I didn’t like the way my dad acted. This was my first “come to terms with myself”. I finally learned the single most important thing my dad had to teach me. It was “don’t act like your dad”. At least where my significant other and money were concerned.

I realized that my dad is at the core of my being. That’s not a bad thing at all. Like I said earlier, there’s a lot of good stuff about my dad, and that’s at my core as well. He gave me this incredible ability to identify and attract wonderful people who become lifelong friends. He gave me this crazy love, closeness thing for my kids that I just don’t see in many families. He gave me an ability to see my faults and admit to them, then better myself. The bad things about my dad are at my core and I have to fight them constantly but it gets easier all the time. Because I now know my dad is in me, I can control the bad and have been able to turn it into greatness.

The best part of all of this is…I know what’s going on now, I know how things work. I can consciously instill this in my children's core and make them even better husbands and wives. Even better mothers and fathers. Thank you dad. I love you.

So that’s my family. Now jumping back a little bit. I was a C5 (very big airplane) Crew Chief (mechanic) in the Air Force during the first Gulf War. I was one of the lucky few who didn’t get deployed to the desert. Most of my friends did though. I did work my butt off. Those of us left behind were a skeleton crew working with civilians and Reserves processing at least 10 times more traffic than our most busiest non-war time. We worked 12-14 hour shifts 6-7 days per week. And we were proud to do it.

When I got out I worked as a general manager for a restaurant and a movie theater until 1998 when I quit to start an internet company with a friend. That lasted about a year and we went our separate ways. I continued to be my own boss until 2001 when I went back to school on my GI Bill for Computer Science and ended up studying Political Science as well. In 2003 I was offered a job I couldn’t refuse, so I didn’t. I dropped out of school and took the job making more money than my mom made after working for the same company for 25 years. This was after making less than $10,000 per year for the past five years. I had no bills and a boat load of new cash. At least it seemed like it to me.

But I wasn’t stupid. I went out and bought a 1997 VW Jetta because my car was almost dead and I needed something reliable to get to work. I had to buy it on credit which I didn’t like but I paid it off very quickly. I still have that Jetta and love it. I opened a high yield savings account, claimed 10 for my deductions and put the money in the savings account instead of giving it to the government every payday. I immediately maxed out my 401k which the company matched 50% so I was receiving free money. I maxed out my HSA which is completely tax free (like free 33%), I enrolled in the employee stock purchase program and had some of my pay automatically taken out for stock purchase. The same year I was hired I used my GI benefits to buy a house in West Linn about one mile from my kids mothers house. I continued my internet business so I could use it as a tax write off. I paid off the few bills that I did have like my student loans. I didn’t get any credit cards or charge anything. If I wanted something I waited until I could pay cash for it, which usually wasn’t very long since I didn’t have many bills.

I wasn’t rich. I was a computer geek making only $42,000 per year. But it sure felt like a lot to me. I kicked so much butt at that job. I turned the position into something it never was suppose to be. I was hired to do the job. Instead, I took it upon myself to streamline and enhance the position which in turn made the operations department run much smoother. When that happens, everything seems to work better.

In 2006 I was offered the opportunity to start a new department within the same company (not a small company, $50 mil per year). Business Analytics with a raise to $70,000 per year. I knew NOTHING about business analytics. I took the job which was to set up the department, assess immediate client needs, meet those needs, maintain those needs, and do the same for new clients. I did this with no supervision, only a couple spreadsheets given to me by the VP at the very beginning. I figured it out and kicked butt. I absolutely love being the best at what I do. In 2009 I lost my job.

I met my current wife at work in 2003. We dated from 2004 and married in 2005. Prior to dating her, I incorporated the following rules which are based on passed failed relationships and “loves”. I’m sure they seem stupid to some people, but they work. I try to teach them to my kids to save them some heartache where love and relationships are concerned.

1) No moving in with each other. This had actually always been a rule because I didn’t want the kids to think that was the appropriate thing to do.

2) No saying “I love you” for at least a year. I know it feels like love, but it’s not. If after a year you still feel that, then it’s love. At that point you can say it and truly mean it.

3) No fights for at least a year. If a fight happens while you’re still in the “courtship” phase, it’s only going to get worse so break it off. There’s no sense wasting time on this one. Move on to the next one.

4) Be completely honest about your feelings always (a no brainer but rarely done). If this causes a fight, see rule number 3.

Onward…In 2007 we (my wife and I) became minority partners in a carpet cleaning business. I guess you could call us Entrepreneur-Americans if you really need to hyphenate minorities.

Here’s the deal with my wife and I. I don’t want to get my family involved in my political life. But there are some things people are going to want to know. And there are some things people should know, and some that are none of your business. So I’m going to break this down pretty simply giving you the information I think you need. Remember John Kerry? How about John McCain? Well, I’m John and John. But my name’s Darren. And my wife is kind of like the Johns wives but not nearly to that extent, not even close. The funny thing is, I didn’t know this about her until many months into dating her. She’s very modest.

My wife comes from a successful farming family in Washington. She has a Master’s degree and a VERY good job that pays a lot (at least to me and most people). Well, she did have that job. Coincidentally, shortly after Measures 66 and 67 passed she lost her great job that she had been at for nine years. Maybe not a coincidence. She’s going to have to take about a 40% pay cut at a new job. But luckily we believe in living a debt free life so this isn’t going to affect us.

We live in a 3,800 sf house in West Linn, which is big but not huge, built in 2003. If you see the inside, you’d notice there’s not much on the walls, our furniture is nice but all was purchased at outlet or discount stores, we have absolutely no bedroom furniture. In other words, we’re very thrifty. We would rather invest our money than spend it on expensive stuff for our house. I do like to indulge in Apple computer equipment since most everything we do is on the computer.

With the exception of a couple years of payments on my Jetta (I paid it off as fast as I could), I’ve never had a car payment in my life. I’m almost embarrassed to say (not really. Ok, maybe) that my wife leases her car. Since we’re rich (not really, for sure this time), she drives a really nice car. It’s a 2007 Bug. The lease is up in April and we’ve been saving to buy it out so she’ll be driving it for probably five more years. *UPDATE* We turned the Bug in to the dealer and saved the $15,000 to help pay for the kids college.

So here’s what’s going to kill me in the run for Governor of Oregon. I drive an H2. OUCH! That hurt! My whole adult life I’ve driven VW’s. Love them. I still have the Jetta and drive it once in a while when my son’s not borrowing it. So my son was turning 16 and I really wanted him to have a car to drive so his mother and I wouldn’t have to shuttle him between houses. I had had the Jetta for five years and figured it would be a good car for him and a good time for me to get something new for myself. I was kind of tired of small cars and wanted to try something big, wanted something to cart the kids and dog comfortably around in, and something that didn’t look like everything else on the road. I always liked H2’s so I started to look into them. This was when gas prices were through the roof so guess what? H2’s were dirt cheep. We had saved up some $$ in anticipation of this day and I paid cash for a 2006 H2. I’m going to drive it until it dies.

For those who want to water-board me because you think I’m killing Mother Earth, here are a couple things to consider.

1) H2 energy cost per mile $3.027. Prius energy cost per mile $3.249.
http://www.cnwmr.com/nss-folder/automotiveenergy/DUST%20PDF%20VERSION.pdf

2) I also drive a 1992 Ford Ranger 4-banger that I purchased for $1,800 for everyday work related driving around.

*UPDATE* My wife’s new job bought her an annual bus pass so she’s now driving the H2 to the park-and-ride in West Linn and taking the bus to downtown Portland every day for work. I’m driving the pickup.

We still own my original house in West Linn. It’s a rental house that we break even on every month. Since the economy has taken a dump, I don’t think we have any equity left in it. We also own a house in Seaside that we purchased when my wife got a fat raise one year. We did that instead of buying a new car or blowing the money in some other fashion. It was an investment. It’s now a vacation rental that we lose money on every year. Since the economy took a dump, I’m pretty sure we lost our equity in that too.

Between my wife’s earning power and my knowing how to survive being poor, we make a great team.

I’ll speak about my kids in general.

My daughter is 19 and my son is 17. I’ve learned more from a couple of kids than I would ever have imagined. For some reason they are way too smart and wise for their ages. My daughter and I talk about politics and religion a lot. I love her take on those topics. She’s so logical. My son and I talk about music and ideas and all things creative. (Shameless plug: he has a band on iTunes called Sleeplong) They keep me grounded when they see me start to slip. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

Moving on to the second self-realization…

This is a really hard thing to write about for many reasons. It’s very personal and involves many people that I don’t want to disparage in any way so please forgive my vagueness as I try to get across some very important points.

My kids and I were always very close. When my daughter was 15 years old, some things were said to her and my son (13 years old) about me that were not true. The result was my daughter not talking to me or seeing me for about two years. Even if these things were true, they should never had been said to a 15 and 13 year old about their father who loved them and they loved.

It also resulted in hatred and bitterness between people who once were very good friends, and very expensive and emotionally draining court experiences. This was a completely unnecessary experience but one that many divorced families go through regardless. I honestly think it can easily be avoided.

Anyway, during the two years without my daughter, everyone told me, “hang in there and continue to do the right thing. Eventually she will come around and you’ll be glad you did the right thing.” This was no comfort to me. Lost time with your daughter is something you could never get back and I was pissed off at the people who did this to me and my daughter. I hated them. My heart was black because of it. It pained me to continue to let them walk all over me and her day in and day out.

One day after a court hearing everything came to a head. I couldn’t handle it anymore. I felt like I was going to explode. Instead of doing something I would regret (nothing illegal), I called one of my “brothers”, Doug W. who met me to talk. I was off the hook, chain smoking and cussing up a storm. Then he said something that for some reason hit me hard. “You need to forgive them”.

This was my second self-realization.

Forgiveness. I’ve heard it before but never believed it. How holding bitterness and hatred in your heart could make you a miserable person. This is not a religious thing, but at that moment I let all that hatred go and forgave every single person involved for what they had done. I didn’t care that they hadn’t asked for it, I gave it to them anyway. It felt so good. I hugged my “brother” and went home.

I sat down and wrote my daughter an email telling her that I could no longer hold these feelings for others in my heart and no matter what others did to me, I would not hate them. I would forgive without question and ask for nothing in return. My daughter showed the email to the others involved and…*loss for words* most of us are good friends again. My daughter and I now have a very strong, loving relationship.

A strange, or not so strange circumstance came of this. Immediately after, I couldn’t stomach the word “hate”. It seriously made my stomach turn when I heard it. I found that people use the word for way too many things and the word has a very strong meaning even though people don’t realize it. So I banned it from my house. It’s been banned for over two years now. I’ve asked my friends not to use it around me too because it really bothers me. It’s funny because the word “love” ended up bothering me too, I think because it has such strong meaning like “hate”. Of course “love” is not banned, but I find myself using it less because over use seems to take away some of it’s meaning. If you hear me use the word “hate”, you can be sure that I truly, “hate” what ever it is I’m talking about. Same thing with “love”. Whew, I’m glad that’s over. I don’t like even typing that word.

I’ve been through a lot. The most important thing I’ve learned in 40 years is that I don’t know everything and every day I just keep getting smarter. I once realized that I have advice I could give to a 20 year old that if they follow it, they would have a great chance of living a successful life. More importantly, there are people in the world who could do the same for me. I constantly seek out those people and ask for that advice.

Everyone’s life is a sum of all it’s parts. Mine’s no exception.